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A Broken Man

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A Broken Man

Post by NaruHina <3 on Sun Jan 05, 2014 2:52 pm

He has lost everything, he doesn't know what to do. He's the one thing he feared the most...

Being alone, broken, and in desperate need of help. So desperate that he is ready to give his soul to the Devil(Kurama) when he promised that he'd never turn to again sorry if I offended anybody,for a woman who just sacrificed her life for him, and said words to him that he thought no one would ever say to him. A woman who'd he once thought was a dark, shy girl, a woman who wouldn't dare to even look him in the eye, a woman who was too scared to stand up for herself, and a woman who'd gave up her life, just to see him live.

'Love breeds sacrifice, which breeds hate...'

http:
Spoiler:

Did you guys like my horrible attempt at a poem? And does this photo truly represents a broken man?


Last edited by NaruHina <3 on Sun Jan 05, 2014 3:42 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Re: A Broken Man

Post by lily567 on Sun Jan 05, 2014 3:27 pm

yes this represents the photo.
to be honest it is good but you don't have it in poem form and some of the sentences are too long . you're attempt at it is good, you have good ideas but the form of the poem is what needs some work. I hope I haven't lost you.


Last edited by lily567 on Sun Jan 05, 2014 3:39 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: A Broken Man

Post by NaruHina <3 on Sun Jan 05, 2014 3:34 pm

It's okay, and no you didn't lose me! I never really do a lot of poems, since I'm more of a descriptive writer, but I'm trying to get more into it. Thanks a lot though!   
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Re: A Broken Man

Post by lily567 on Sun Jan 05, 2014 3:39 pm

^ you're very welcome

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