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A Naruto's poem to Hinata

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A Naruto's poem to Hinata

Post by Irielo on Tue Apr 08, 2014 7:32 am

Lol! This is the first time I'm trying to write a poem in English. NaruHina gave me the inspiration... I tried to imagine what could Naruto tell to Hinata. Anyway, I think the forum is celebrating its one year this month. So, that's my humble gift to the forum for its birthday.

Title: Your words

You said my smile saved you
You know? Your words saved me

My eyes did not see through
Was I such a fool?
Not to realize
Until you said
Forced by me...

These words which will never die
They are written in my heart
Like a tattoo which will never fade

Your words believe me
Are more powerful than any Jutsus
Like I told you

You are strong
And that's what matters
To me...

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Re: A Naruto's poem to Hinata

Post by Azuula on Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:41 am

Ohh well done irielo!

I'd like to see a rhyming one next time
You're really good :)
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Re: A Naruto's poem to Hinata

Post by Starlight on Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:40 pm

That's a really good poem for a beginner
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Re: A Naruto's poem to Hinata

Post by Irielo on Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:51 pm

azuula wrote:Ohh well done irielo!

I'd like to see a rhyming one next time
You're really good :)

~Starlight047~ wrote:That's a really good poem for a beginner

Thank You! Just trying my best to write in English. Regarding rhyming, I think I get it better in my main languages (though I tried to put some crossed Rhymes). Besides, I need to extend my lexicon in English. Anyway, if you liked it, I'm glad.

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Re: A Naruto's poem to Hinata

Post by Fallere825 on Wed Apr 09, 2014 2:01 am

Nicely done man! I'm not usually one for poems, but I like this...keep it up  

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Next time, I'll be next to you, Holding your hand...Walking WITH you.
Hinata...Thank you!...It's thanks to you that stayed at my side
I won't let go of your Hand!!
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Re: A Naruto's poem to Hinata

Post by lily567 on Wed Apr 09, 2014 9:09 am

well done irielo
I like the way you used the words and the comparison with it.
the only thing is tho I don't know if it is just me but to me , the only thing missing in the poem is punctuation like a semi colon or a comma maybe.

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Re: A Naruto's poem to Hinata

Post by Irielo on Wed Apr 09, 2014 10:59 am

Lickstermik wrote:Nicely done man! I'm not usually one for poems, but I like this...keep it up  

lily567 wrote:well done irielo
I like the way you used the words and the comparison with it.
the only thing is tho I don't know if it is just me  but to me , the only thing missing in the poem is punctuation like a semi colon or a comma maybe.

Thanks!

@ Lily According to you, where to you, where should this comma or colon come? It would be quite helpful.

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Re: A Naruto's poem to Hinata

Post by lily567 on Wed Apr 09, 2014 11:55 am

Irielo wrote: Title: Your words

You said my smile saved you.
You know? Your words saved me.

My eyes did not see through;
Was I such a fool?
Not to realize
Until you said
Forced by me...

These words which will never die,
They are written in my heart;
Like a tattoo which will never fade.

Your words, believe me
Are more powerful than any Jutsus;
Like I told you

You are strong
And that's what matters
To me...
 
 
can I get a lil feedback from you guys about if I put the semi colon or comma the right place because for sure a punctuation mark is missing.
@irielo I put in the punctuation marks  but I want opinions on whether I put them in the right place

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Re: A Naruto's poem to Hinata

Post by Irielo on Thu Apr 10, 2014 2:32 am

Thanks Lily! To me, these punctuations you put are in the right place.

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